every time we say goodbye...

i die a little...

i put sam on a plane back to his country yesterday. i cried. he cried. it was a mess and i am lonely.

i will be back up on the blog as soon as possible, writing like crazy like i have been before. but right now, i just want to not think.

i am going to start tracking my "no spend days" here on the blog. i'm afraid some days there may be no long entry, but if it is a no spend day, you can be sure that i will post that on the blog. i'm hoping that i have many of them in the future.

and now, i shall retreat back into my cocoon of sadness for a day or two more. then i'll be up and running again.

shut up. or, rather, keep on talkin'.

today i called the customer service department for one of my credit cards to ask a couple of questions about my account. the customer service rep answered my questions. then, at the end of the call, he said:

"ma'am, i notice your amount of revolving debt currently stands at ______. i should advise you that on the bottom of your statement, there is a number for a consumer credit counseling service that will help you work out a payment plan so that you can have this debt paid off within five years. just call them and they will help you."

i thanked him and hung up the phone. what i wanted to say was:

"thank you very much for your advice, sir. i don't know if your job requires you to say that to me, or if you're just trying to give me a bit of friendly advice, but i assure you that i will have this debt paid off well before five years have passed. don't you worry."

this man irritated the you-know-what out of me. i realize that maybe he was just trying to be helpful, but to me, it felt like he was saying, "young lady, there is no way you're going to be able to get out of this mess without help."

well, i will. if there's one thing i know about myself, it's that the most surefire way to make sure i get something done is to tell me that i can't do it.