insurance. bleh.

so, a few days ago, i was having a conversation with one of my dearest friends, madeline. she and i have been close since high school, and now, with my latest move, we live in different states. this is difficult for us, because madeline is pregnant with her first child, and she is the first of my really close friends to have a baby. i wish we lived in the same place. but we don't, so alas, i have to content myself with communicating with her via text messages and phone calls, and seeing her every once in awhile. and i have already promised that i will be waiting in the hospital when she has the baby.

the conversation that madeline and i were having involved her health insurance or, rather, her lack thereof. her pregnancy had come as a surprise to her and her husband; they had always intended to have kids--but not until that elusive "someday." someday, when they had jobs that gave them health insurance.

see, madeline and her husband both work--and work hard. her husband works for a small company that isn't yet big enough to offer its employees insurance. madeline teaches courses for several community colleges in the area; she makes a decent yearly salary, but because she doesn't work full-time at any one school, she doesn't qualify for benefits. so now, with the baby coming, they are struggling. "we can pay for the doctor's visits out-of-pocket, but just barely," she told me. "now we're trying to save up for the hospital stay and the delivery and the epidural--because that's where it's really going to get expensive."

now, about six months ago, before madeline found out she was pregnant, madeline and i had a discussion about health insurance.

"why don't you buy health insurance on your own?" i asked her. "i pay $85 a month for a really basic plan. it's not much, and it's not even close to what i had at my job, but it's better than nothing."

madeline replied, "we can't afford it. if we bought health insurance, we wouldn't have enough money to pay our bills."

at the time, i felt bad for her, but grateful that i wasn't in her shoes. but a few days ago, as we discussed her pregnancy sans health insurance, i realized, i am in her shoes.

i can't afford health insurance, either.

if all of my bills are overdue but i am making sure i have $85 in my account for health insurance, i can't afford it.

after that conversation, i was beginning to realize that my monthly health insurance payment needed to be axed. but what clinched it was when i went to walgreens the next day to pick up a prescription. as the lady handed me my prescription, i asked her, "ma'am, could you please tell me how much my insurance saves me on this?"

"i sure can," she said. she punched a few keys on her keyboard and then said, "it saves you $1." she paused, then added, "so basically, it saves you nothing."

well, i wouldn't call a dollar nothing, especially in my current situation. but what that made clear to me is that my insurance doesn't do much for me. and i don't even use it when i need it...like about a month ago, when i injured my foot but refused to go to the doctor because i didn't have the money, even with my insurance. my foot still hurts; at this point, i'm pretty sure i broke or fractured a bone or two in it. i think a muscle injury or something would have healed by now. but i still can't go to the doctor.

so i cancelled the health insurance. and while i was at it, i called my car insurance company and slashed my car insurance to liability only, which saves me about $40 a month.

i really hope that in the near future, i will have a job or an assistantship that provides me with health insurance. until then, i am joining the ranks of the uninsured. it's scary. but it's what i have to do right now.