the story continues.

my current financial situation can be summed up thusly: i have no steady job. i am a freelance writer for demand studios (i could write a whole other blog entry about this gig, and i probably will at some point), so that brings in some income. also, i teach online courses in my field for a university in a different state.

no, i am not lazy. trust me. for the three years i was a full-time student working on my master's degrees, i was also working full-time in my field. throw in a two-hour commute each day, and let's just say that most weeknights during that time, two or three hours of sleep was all i could manage.

after i finished my master's degrees, i resigned my position effective later in the year, because i planned to move to another state to work on my ph.d. but, as it so often does, life interfered.

see, i'm engaged. meeting sam, who is my best friend as well as my fiance, is what changed up my life plans. he's the main reason my credit card debt skyrocketed. but he's also the reason i got my butt in gear about addressing my ever-mounting debt.

now, when i say that he is the reason my credit card debt skyrocketed, i'm not blaming him. i am a big girl, and i make my own choices. but, as is often the case, in the beginning of our relationship, i didn't feel comfortable saying to him, "look, i don't have the money to do that." he had (well, has) more money than me, and money never seemed to be an issue for him. but i also didn't feel comfortable with letting him pay for things--i was raised to be an independent woman, as i think many young ladies of my generation have been. so lots of things, including several trips, got put on credit cards. we made amazing memories, which are priceless. unfortunately, i'm now paying interest on them at a ridiculous rate.

anyway, back to the interference with my life plans. sam was working on a degree in the town where i was living at the time i got my ph.d. acceptance. he wasn't able to transfer to my ph.d. university. we wanted to stay together. we decided that i could put off moving for a year.

so i did. since i had already resigned my position, i started looking for another job in my field in which i could work during this gap year, one that didn't require the soul-crushing commute. no luck. i ended up not working for a year, living on my savings and the odd income that working online provided me. financially it was (and continues to be) a stressful year. personally, however, it was the best year of my life. sam's and my relationship blossomed to the point where it's (dare i even say?) about as close to perfect as any relationship can be. i no longer have any compunctions about saying, "look, we can't do that because i can't afford it." in fact, i no longer have any compunctions about discussing anything with him. during this year, we decided to get married when we were ready for such a step.

this decision made me realize that when sam and i get married, and especially if we have children, i want to have the option of choosing where, when, and how much i want to work. i can't imagine becoming completely dormant in my field; i've worked too hard to get where i am. but i want to be able to have freedom in my choices. i don't want to be chained to a job in a particular place because i have boatloads of debt to pay down. previously, while i was cognizant of the amount of debt i was taking on and always tried to be somewhat frugal as a result, i never really imagined being married or having to consider what i would do if i had a family. i just always thought that i would find a steady job someplace whenever i completed my education, and then i would slowly pay down my debt, maybe for the rest of my life, and that would be that.

but i won't settle for that now. i can't. it's not just me to consider now--it's the potential family that sam and i have together. i crave financial freedom and peace of mind in my life from here on out.

now that sam has finished the degree he was working on, he has moved with me to the university where i will get my ph.d. i might have a teaching assistantship waiting for me--i am still waiting to find out about that. i am hoping and praying for that, as it would mean a full tuition waiver as well as a monthly stipend. if i do not get an assistanship, the debt will pile up further as i take on more to pay my tuition, and i will hopefully take on more online classes to teach as well as secure a part-time job here in my new town. i have a plan either way, but still...i pray every day that i get that assistantship. i guess all i can do at this point is wait, hope, and pinch my pennies.